Tiers For Fears

Everyone has fears. I know I do, and I’ve categorized them according to a triple tier system.


On the first tier, I have three main fears — three big, dominant fears.


1. Fear of getting dumped
2. Fear of getting fired
3. Fear of getting evicted


Those are my three core fears and they’re pretty good ones. Those are big, rational, life-changing fears. I don’t feel guilty at all.


Then I have a second tier of fears. These are lesser fears, but they are still rational fears, I think. Some of them though are a little embarrassing, but I could tell anyone about them and they’d probably understand, even if they weren’t afraid of the same things.


    Going blind


My third tier of fear involves all of the things that I am irrationally afraid of, and that I am genuinely embarrassed to admit to.


    Sand crabs
    Getting bitten on the toe by a mysterious pelican while I’m swimming in the ocean.
    Someone hearing me poop.
    Being held-up by an armed gunman while I’m at a urinal.
    Being accidentally seduced by a gay man.
    Getting bitten on the anus by a mysterious pelican while I’m on the toilet.


Look don’t judge me, I said they were irrational…



[c] 2008 Russ of America


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