ONE: Are you going to tune that drum?
TWO: Do what to which?
ONE: Tune that drum.
TWO: Pfft! You don’t tune a drum. Drums aren’t instruments.
ONE: Yes they are.
TWO: No they’re not. Instruments have strings.
ONE: What are you talking about? Trumpets don’t have strings, saxophones don’t have strings.
TWO: Right. And so they’re not instruments.
ONE: What do you mean they’re not instruments?
TWO: Horns aren’t instruments, they’re noisemakers. At 12:00 on New Years you don’t play a violin, you blow a horn. Or one of those things that go WHEEEEEE and the little paper thing unspools. Those aren’t instruments, they’re noisemakers. Just like drums. Do the neighbors ever pound on the door to yell about how melodic the drums sound?
ONE: You’re an idiot.
TWO: Maybe I am, but I’m going to be out having a good time while you’re stuck at home trying to tune your New Years horn.
[c] 2008 Russ of America
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