For External Use Only

Printed on the back of a box of Band-Aids™ is the clear warning that Band-Aid™ Brand bandages are for external use only.  That’s a lesson I learned many years ago:


Russ:  Hey dah.
Dad:  Hey son, what’s the matter?
Russ:  I rimpa fycrah iha mou.
Dad:  You lit a firecracker in your mouth?
Russ:  Raa.  Ra a gah mou fu Ban-Ay™
Dad:  And now you’ve got a mouth full of Band-Aids™?  You take those out immediately!  Band-Aids™ are for external use only!
Russ:  Oay…


As summer turns to fall, I think of all the people who might be visiting their local parks, maybe getting a little time on those ancient splintery see-saws.  The worst thing in the world would be to take a sliver of wood right up your ass and potentially bleed to death.  If you DO happen to take a sliver of wood right up your ass, your first instinct after waddling home will probably be to slap some Band-Aids™ along the inside of your rectal wall to stop the bleeding.  BUT DON’T DO THAT!  Band-Aids™ are for external use only.



[c] 2008 Russ of America


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