Russ of America’s Green Earth Tips
If you’ve gotten pregnant by accident and you’re on the fence about what to do, remember that abortion is the most environmentally responsible choice. The termination of an accidental pregnancy will really save a lot of natural resources and will help to protect our pristine wetlands. If you’re not sure, think about all the diapers you would have tossed nonchalantly into a landfill. And all of those plasticized Capri Sun packets and Chocodile wrappers, and the batteries you would have bought for all of his stupid toys. And once he was old enough to drink Red Bull, think of all the cans he’d simply toss away because he was too drunk to know better. And all of the menthol cigarette butts that would end up in the storm drain and the quarts of dirty motor oil he’d abandon behind the AutoZone, and electricity and water he’d waste. And you know that because you didn’t raise him right, one day this little macho jerk will one day want to drive the biggest gas-guzzling sport-futility vehicle in America.
While the religious are correct that the immortal soul is created with the first cell division, The soul can’t die, right? So we’re good! Fuck it! Pull the plug on that gurgling blemish before he can fuck up our glorious nation! It’s the responsible thing to do. : D
[c] 2008 Russ of America
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