Around the second week of December I like to play this game where I ask friends and acquaintances questions that could be interpreted as me fishing for Christmas gift ideas. I’m not actually fishing for ideas though, I’m just asking questions that will make them think I’m fishing for ideas. For example:
“Hey, you used to play the saxophone, right?”
“Do you still remember how to play?”
“Yeah, I’m a little rusty but I could still play some songs.”
“Do you own a saxophone?”
“Is it in good shape?”
“It could use a polishing, but it’ll get the job done. Why?”
“Just curious. What size shoe do you wear?”
“What’s your favorite color?”
“Do you like high-tops or low-tops?”
“Do you have the first season of Barney Miller on DVD?”
“No, why do you ask?”
They won’t press the issue because in the back of their heads they’re thinking of Christmas and they don’t want to spoil their Christmas surprise. Then they go home and wonder what kind of sneakers or saxophone I’m going to buy them and then they look forward to the Barney Miller DVDs and then when Christmas comes around and I didn’t get them a goddamn thing they wonder why the fuck I was asking all of those questions if I wasn’t going to buy them anything, but it serves them right for being so materialistic.
HAAHahahHAhA! I love Christmas!
[c] 2008 Russ of America
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