NORAD Tracks Santa


Yes, ha ha ha… a happy annual event put on by the United States military… ha ha ha… Fun, frolic and merriment! ha ha ha…


Each year the United States Federal Government, fueled by the holiday spirit, instructs NORAD, The North American Aerospace Defense Command, to uses its highly sophisticated electronic war technology to plot the flight path of an imaginary, benevolent, omniscient, counterfeiting, sweat shop-owning elf across the globe. Yes indeed, NORAD will track Santa Claus throughout the mythical saint’s annual jaunt as he spreads Christmas blessings to all the good Christian girls and boys of the world while offloading bootleg consumer products, good cheer, and god-awful peppermint candies.


But if my colorful words above didn’t clue you in, science dictates that without peer-reviewed studies, Santa cannot be assumed to exist. So the US Government is basically admitting to you, every year, that they have both the capability and the daring to routinely track non-existent flying objects across the globe, and that they could ultimately dupe you into believing that Iran sent over a nuclear weapon, so obviously we had to defend ourselves by nuking the shit out of them.


On the other hand, maybe evil Iran *did* send over a nuclear weapon, but the really smart people who survive the war might be a little suspicious after years of hearing about that Santa Claus shit.


Happy Holidays!



[c] 2008 Russ of America


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