I Want To Be The Bad Boy Of

I’ve always wanted to be “the bad boy of” something. The media loves that guy and all of his unpredictable drama. Don’t they call Tommy Lee the bad boy of glam metal? And Gordon Ramsay is indisputably the bad boy of cooking. Cooking? Yeah, cooking! There weren’t nearly enough bad boys of cooking until Gordon Ramsay. Before him it was Jack Tripper, but he was a bit of a candy-ass, although he did score co-habitation with some pretty hot chicks. And then if you scroll back through your pop culture file a few years you’ll recall that Bobby Fischer was considered the bad boy of chess. Chess? Chess had a bad boy? Yep. Chess had a bad boy. Today I read an article about a dude named David Martz whose pilot’s license was suspended by the FAA after he was filmed getting a blowjob while in the skies over San Diego. Clearly he’s the bad boy of helicoptering!


So yeah, I’m a little envious of all these bad boys. They get the press, they get the helicopter blowjobs, they get to make sexy movies with Pamela Anderson (I think I made a little upchuck in my mouth. It tastes funny!) and so I’mma start thinking really carefully about how I can become the bad boy of something, and what it should be that I’m the bad boy of.


Gardening? I’m not very good at that. I guess I like the imagery though — being found passed out drunk in a bed of grape hyacinths, broken beer bottles askew and a toppled gnome.


How about the bad boy of PC upgrades. I could get a show on G4 and talk all sorts of shit about Windows Vista and roast those L4M3R n00bz who call in to ask questions. I could get arrested for assaulting my co-star with a wireless mouse right up her cornpipe!


The bad boy of blogging? I almost think that title would be reserved for that Perez Hilton character because he’s mean and nobody can control him and he’s a real loose cannon.


So I’ll open it up to the one person who reads my blog. If I were to be the bad boy of something, what would you suggest that it should be?



[c] 2009 Russ of America


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