LA X-Press Subscription Form

Look man, times are tough. Whether you be old or young, you gotta do what you gotta to do get by, and sometimes it means sacrificing your morals. And by “sometimes” I mean “usually” because morality is fleeting, like good breath. So have you ever thought about sacrificing your morals to sell newspaper subscriptions?




[c] 2009 Russ of America



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  1. Nicks says:

    My parent would never agree to this, but I still want to do it. Do I absolutely have to have a parent signature?

    Dubraska is calling to me, and I wouldn’t mind a sweet BMX to call my own.

  2. The Main Man says:

    If you are over 18 you do not need parental permission to subscribe to LA XPress or to work in our sales department. If, however, you are selling LA XPress to children (which LA XPress has always encouraged given our placement of tempting red newspaper vending boxes in areas frequented by skateboarding children,) then they will need parental approval just for use of the credit card. We also accept forged signatures, so don’t worry about that.

  3. Nicks says:

    Excellent, excellent.

    I’ll share my plan of action with you since you, good sir, are the one responsible for even pointing out such a generous program exists. I plan to successfully sell enough LA XPress subscriptions to win every luscious prize mentioned in their ad, even if I have to sell all the way to Fresno dammit, and combine all three to build my ultimate pleasure machine. The dildo will be attached to the BMX seat and I will hear the smooth sounds of Fabio in my MP3 player while I “use” said bike with erotic attachments…while Dubraska watches it all happen for 30 minutes or however long a $100 gift certificate will buy me. Heaven.

    Dreams do come true in America.

  4. The Main Man says:

    Wow! Then let me get my scissors so I can cut out your first enrollment form…




    Here’s to you selling enough subscriptions to win a dildo!
    [clink of glass]

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