INT. TATTOO PARLOR - EVENING MAKAELAH, 18, and ASHLEIGH, 18 1/2, titter and enter Thor’s Tattoo Parlor. THOR, early 60s, has a bit of a rockabilly look to him, with full sleeve tattoos. THOR Hello ladies. May I help you? ASHLEIGH (tittering) My friend here would like a tattoo. MAKAELAH Oh my god, stop lying, slut! ASHLEIGH You’re a slut! MAKAELAH YOU are! ASHLEIGH You’re a whore! MAKAELAH Shut UP, whore! ASHLEIGH You’re a bitch! MAKAELAH YOU are! ASHLEIGH Shut UP, bitch! THOR Okay... MAKAELAH My whorish friend Ashleigh wants to get a tattoo. THOR Did you have a design in mind? ASHLEIGH Not really. MAKAELAH Oh my god, you slut, you’re such a liar. (to Thor) She’s such a liar. (MORE) (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 2. MAKAELAH (cont’d) She wants something kinda like a scroll or wings or vines. ASHLEIGH Like the Mini-Cooper logo, but way, way, way, way, way more sexier. THOR Way sexier than the Mini-Cooper logo. Got it. MAKAELAH Way more sexier. THOR Way sexier. ASHLEIGH Way more sexier. THOR Far sexier. MAKAELAH Way more far sexier. THOR Right, so where do you want this tattoo? MAKAELAH Uh, on Ashleigh? ASHLEIGH (slaps Makaelah’s arm) Oh my god, you are such a bitch. He knows it’s going to go on me. (to Thor) I want it on my back. THOR So you want the Mini-Cooper logo on your back. MAKAELAH She doesn’t actually want the Mini-Cooper logo on her back, she wants something way more far sexier. THOR Right, I got that. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 3. MAKAELAH Oh, I couldn’t tell because you called it the Mini-Cooper logo. ASHLEIGH Oh my god, slut, shut UP! MAKAELAH YOU shut up! I just want to make sure that this guy knows what to do to you, okay? I’m trying to protect you. He’s not very smart, he’s just a tattoo guy. THOR Not that it matters, but I am a Cornell graduate. ASHLEIGH What’s Cornell? Is that a tattoo college? MAKAELAH I think I’ve heard of it. It’s an okay tattoo college. THOR I assure you that you’re not the first two girls to come in here asking for a tattoo of the Mini-Cooper logo. MAKAELAH It’s not actually the Mini-Cooper logo though. Don’t you have a book of tattoos or something so I can show you what she wants? THOR gestures to a giant wall that is covered in tattoo designs. MAKAELAH looks a touch overwhelmed. THOR So you want something way far more sexier than the Mini-Cooper logo. Did you want that between your shoulder blades or something? ASHLEIGH No, I want the Mini-Cooper logo lower down on my lower back. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 4. MAKAELAH It’s not actually the Mini-Cooper logo though. ASHLEIGH Shut UP! THOR Do you want it in the middle of your back, or did you mean more like a tramp stamp? ASHLEIGH I don’t want a tramp stamp, I want a tattoo on my lower back. THOR You want it in the small of your back? MAKAELAH She’s petite, so yeah, she wants a smaller tattoo for her back. THOR No, I’m talking about the position -- did you want the art to be in the small of your back. ASHLEIGH Where’s that? THOR The lowest part of the back just before it becomes an ass. It’s the place where tramp stamps go. MAKAELAH She is not a tramp! ASHLEIGH I am not a tramp! Who told you that I was? If it was Brian, I swear to God I will kick his ass! THOR That’s what those tattoos are called. Tramp stamps. MAKAELAH Why do they call them that? (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 5. THOR Social stigma I guess. The lower-back tattoo is often associated with certain women. Strippers, prostitutes, virgin whores. It’s unfair, really. ASHLEIGH I am not a tramp! MAKAELAH She is NOT a tramp! THOR Okay, you are not a tramp. ASHLEIGH I know that! THOR So you don’t want the tattoo then? MAKAELAH Of course she does, but she just doesn’t want a tramp stamp because she is not a tramp. THOR Okay. (beat) I have an idea -- why don’t I give you a chaste waist? ASHLEIGH What’s chaste? Is that good? MAKAELAH It means you’re not a tramp. ASHLEIGH But the tattoo is still in my lower back like a tramp stamp? THOR Yes. ASHLEIGH I’ll take it. FADE TO BLACK THE END
[c] 2009 Russ of America
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