INT. TATTOO PARLOR - EVENING
MAKAELAH, 18, and ASHLEIGH, 18 1/2, titter and enter Thor’s
Tattoo Parlor. THOR, early 60s, has a bit of a rockabilly
look to him, with full sleeve tattoos.
THOR
Hello ladies. May I help you?
ASHLEIGH
(tittering)
My friend here would like a tattoo.
MAKAELAH
Oh my god, stop lying, slut!
ASHLEIGH
You’re a slut!
MAKAELAH
YOU are!
ASHLEIGH
You’re a whore!
MAKAELAH
Shut UP, whore!
ASHLEIGH
You’re a bitch!
MAKAELAH
YOU are!
ASHLEIGH
Shut UP, bitch!
THOR
Okay...
MAKAELAH
My whorish friend Ashleigh wants to
get a tattoo.
THOR
Did you have a design in mind?
ASHLEIGH
Not really.
MAKAELAH
Oh my god, you slut, you’re such a
liar. (to Thor) She’s such a liar.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.
MAKAELAH (cont’d)
She wants something kinda like a
scroll or wings or vines.
ASHLEIGH
Like the Mini-Cooper logo, but way,
way, way, way, way more sexier.
THOR
Way sexier than the Mini-Cooper
logo. Got it.
MAKAELAH
Way more sexier.
THOR
Way sexier.
ASHLEIGH
Way more sexier.
THOR
Far sexier.
MAKAELAH
Way more far sexier.
THOR
Right, so where do you want this
tattoo?
MAKAELAH
Uh, on Ashleigh?
ASHLEIGH
(slaps Makaelah’s arm)
Oh my god, you are such a bitch. He
knows it’s going to go on me. (to
Thor) I want it on my back.
THOR
So you want the Mini-Cooper logo on
your back.
MAKAELAH
She doesn’t actually want the
Mini-Cooper logo on her back, she
wants something way more far
sexier.
THOR
Right, I got that.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 3.
MAKAELAH
Oh, I couldn’t tell because you
called it the Mini-Cooper logo.
ASHLEIGH
Oh my god, slut, shut UP!
MAKAELAH
YOU shut up! I just want to make
sure that this guy knows what to do
to you, okay? I’m trying to protect
you. He’s not very smart, he’s just
a tattoo guy.
THOR
Not that it matters, but I am a
Cornell graduate.
ASHLEIGH
What’s Cornell? Is that a tattoo
college?
MAKAELAH
I think I’ve heard of it. It’s an
okay tattoo college.
THOR
I assure you that you’re not the
first two girls to come in here
asking for a tattoo of the
Mini-Cooper logo.
MAKAELAH
It’s not actually the Mini-Cooper
logo though. Don’t you have a book
of tattoos or something so I can
show you what she wants?
THOR gestures to a giant wall that is covered in tattoo
designs. MAKAELAH looks a touch overwhelmed.
THOR
So you want something way far more
sexier than the Mini-Cooper logo.
Did you want that between your
shoulder blades or something?
ASHLEIGH
No, I want the Mini-Cooper logo
lower down on my lower back.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.
MAKAELAH
It’s not actually the Mini-Cooper
logo though.
ASHLEIGH
Shut UP!
THOR
Do you want it in the middle of
your back, or did you mean more
like a tramp stamp?
ASHLEIGH
I don’t want a tramp stamp, I want
a tattoo on my lower back.
THOR
You want it in the small of your
back?
MAKAELAH
She’s petite, so yeah, she wants a
smaller tattoo for her back.
THOR
No, I’m talking about the position
-- did you want the art to be in
the small of your back.
ASHLEIGH
Where’s that?
THOR
The lowest part of the back just
before it becomes an ass. It’s the
place where tramp stamps go.
MAKAELAH
She is not a tramp!
ASHLEIGH
I am not a tramp! Who told you that
I was? If it was Brian, I swear to
God I will kick his ass!
THOR
That’s what those tattoos are
called. Tramp stamps.
MAKAELAH
Why do they call them that?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 5.
THOR
Social stigma I guess. The
lower-back tattoo is often
associated with certain women.
Strippers, prostitutes, virgin
whores. It’s unfair, really.
ASHLEIGH
I am not a tramp!
MAKAELAH
She is NOT a tramp!
THOR
Okay, you are not a tramp.
ASHLEIGH
I know that!
THOR
So you don’t want the tattoo then?
MAKAELAH
Of course she does, but she just
doesn’t want a tramp stamp because
she is not a tramp.
THOR
Okay. (beat) I have an idea -- why
don’t I give you a chaste waist?
ASHLEIGH
What’s chaste? Is that good?
MAKAELAH
It means you’re not a tramp.
ASHLEIGH
But the tattoo is still in my lower
back like a tramp stamp?
THOR
Yes.
ASHLEIGH
I’ll take it.
FADE TO BLACK
THE END
[c] 2009 Russ of America
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