Lies I’ve Told The IRS

You probably fudge the IRS a little bit when you do your taxes, right?

 

So do I. Only I don’t fudge the numbers, I fudge the text. For about a decade I’ve been lying to the government about my occupation. I don’t consider it a breach of my sworn assertion of accuracy, because my signature appears before the occupation. As far as I’m concerned, I’m only attesting to the accuracy of everything that appears BEFORE my signature, not after it. Occupation appears after the sig, and occupation is a completely optional inclusion.

 

 

So I filed my taxes via TeleFile in 2004, 2003, 2001, 2000 and 1999, so that’s why the missing data, but I swear that if they had given me an opportunity to drum up a fake profession, I would have done so each year. I looked forward to it. I do recall in more liberating times listing my occupation as Thug, Comedian, Harlequin and possibly even Pimp another year. It’s so difficult to remember. We’re talking about almost a full decade of irreverence, please remember.

 

 

[c] 2009 Russ of America

 

 

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