Green Earth Tip #6

Caring about your environment isn’t limited to recycling and alternative fuels. Caring about your environment includes the aesthetics as well. Nothing kills the spirit of a good neighborhood like graffiti, but police department resources are often incapable of making graffiti enforcement a priority, especially in bigger cities where more serious crimes are being committed. So it is important that citizens take action and set up neighborhood watch groups. Share your phone numbers and report suspicious activity to each other to keep everyone in the loop. Graffiti can occasionally be indicative of other crimes occurring in the neighborhood, like gang activity and drug sales.


When citizens band together to report vandalism, sometimes the police will increase patrols in the area. If that doesn’t work, the neighborhood watch should elect a “Graffiti Sniper” — a protected, anonymous member of the community, who holes up on a rooftop with a bb rifle. If the Graffiti Sniper sees a first-offender apply graffiti to a surface in the community, the vandal will be shot repeatedly in the body with a ball bearing until s/he puts down the can and runs away. If the offender repeats the crime, s/he will be shot with a pellet. If the artist attempts to deface property a third time, the pellet gun will be set aside, and a small-caliber rifle will be used. For each additional offense, the caliber will increase. If the Graffiti Sniper can identify the transgressor as a member of the community, the neighborhood watch will be empowered to make contact with the family to notify them of the crime. This can be done in a number of ways including face-to-face communication, a brick through the window, arson, or chasing the family out of town with pitchforks and torches. Some sociologists say that these kids just need an outlet for their artistic expression. That’s a legitimate argument! After their house is burned down, irresponsible parents will be incentivized to buy a canvas and some finger paints for their little antisocial motherfuckers.


Environmentalism is love for Mother Earth and for each other.



[c] 2009 Russ of America



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