This is a gun. Criminals have guns. So do heroes. This gun belongs to a hero.
This man is a hero. He helps keep thing safe. To help him keep things safe, he has a gun.
But what does our hero keep safe? Money? Gold? People? Maybe a lot of that stuff. But right now he’s protecting something that’s very, very important to the United States of America. He’s protecting Manzanita Sol, a very delicious beverage.
As of this writing, a 12 pack of Manzanita Sol trades for about $6.29 at Albertson’s supermarket. Our hero is carrying an estimated 48 12-packs of Manzanita Sol. That would have a retail value of $301.92, or a street value of $150.96! In this economic recession, theft is sometimes a very attractive option. This glorious hero is willing to put his life on the line to secure the value of this precious resource, and to ensure that all of the adults and children at this popular San Diego tourist destination are able to drink as much Manzanita Sol as their hearts desire.
Sometimes our hero has to check in with HQ to let them know what’s happening with the valuable shipment, and also to keep in contact with the snipers, should anything go wrong. The snipers can be anywhere. The cute girl in the blue top might be a sniper. You don’t know. And you never will until it’s too late. Beware.
The hero approaches the queue leading into the family-oriented facility. The hippie in the blue sweater is plotting to steal some Manzanita Sol.
The armed security officer gets a gut feeling that something abnormal is happening. The security professional always trusts his gut. He turns to the hippie and scopes him out. The officer beams the telepathic thought, “Don’t do it, chief! I will fuck you up!”
The hippie takes a look at that big thick sidearm and has serious second thoughts. That’s okay! A weapon doesn’t have to be drawn and pointed for it to have an impact. Usually a conspicuous sidearm is an amazing crime deterrent, stowed quietly and safely in its holster.
The next time you think about doing something wrong or illegal with the law, remember this:
Not the ring of keys, you idiot, the gun.
[c] 2009 Russ of America
Hey you! Purveyor of fine entertainment! Don’t be a time cheapskate, take a second to Digg, Stumble, ReTweet or otherwise mention this article via I’ve got bills to pay!