I have a fairly simple life motto:
Keep It Moist.
It’s a pretty good life motto as far as life mottoes go, I think. Way better than “Look Before You Leap” or some bullshit like that.
Keep It Moist covers a lot of ground. The most important thing if you’re stranded in the middle of nowhere is to find a supply of water. You can last a lot longer without food than you can without water. Want to keep yourself looking young? Keep your skin hydrated by drinking lots of water. Do you binge drink and want to avoid a hangover? Better keep it moist, sucker! Been dating a girl for a while? I think you’re starting to get it…
Keep It Moist is the difference between pleasure and pain or the difference between a seized engine and a spinning windmill.
Keep It Moist is rudimentary, succinct, but alarmingly sophisticated. Moisture is a fundamental human need. Moisture yields feast, where the lack of it yields famine. Too little moisture can wreak misery and pain such as that found in Africa. But beware, too much moisture can wreak misery and pain such as what you experienced while watching the Kevin Costner movie Waterworld. I’m kidding. Nobody watched that…
But most things considered, keep it moist!
[c] 2009 Russ of America
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