Archive for September 2009

Is Shel Silverstein Black Or Jewish?

Remember the photo of Shel Silverstein on the liner sleeve of The Giving Tree? The scary one where he’s posing with a guitar? Yeah. And what about the back of that book? Remember that swarthy bald guy with the beard? The one who looked like a thin Suge Knight? Well? Is Shel Silverstein Black or Jewish?



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Middle Names

Middle names can be fun. I don’t have a great middle name and I know a few people who have no middle name at all. Their parents probably thought that two names were sufficient. “We gave you a first name, we gave you a last name, we fed you until you were 18, now get the hell out of our house, you bastard.”

 

Parents sometimes give their kids stodgy lame-ass first names like Brock, Bradford or Benton, but to make up for that stale business, certain parents give them a middle name more appropriate for a party college, like Keanu or Rain or Primadonna or something. The kid will likely use his regular name for most of his life, but just before heading out to UCSB he’ll decide that instead of being known as Tim, he’s going to be known as Shilo for the rest of his life, because that’s his middle name and he and his folks really bonded over Neil Diamond. Okay. It’s fair. That’s why you were given three names, I guess. So you could bow-out if your first name makes you feel like Read more

Individuality

Individuality Part One
The Ubiquitous Tongue Piercing

 



 

Inviduduality Part Two
The Omnipresent Nautical Star Tattoo Read more

Quiz Results

Just took one of those awesome online personality quizzes and here are my results:

 



 

And some more thoughts on the topic of CUNT! (Podcast)

 

 

[c] 2003 and 2009 Russ of America

 

Answers To Your Jackoff Queries 4

Ah yes! Good news! Millions of people around the earth are still asking lots of questions about all-things jackoff! Fortunately they have at their disposal this fine blog as expert resource material. I am a man of integrity, honesty and beard and it is through my beard that I read these questions which top-tier search engines feel are best fielded by me. And thus for the fourth time, I again address your most pressing recent jackoff queries.

 

Q: jack off-pork
R: First of all, stealing is wrong, so you shouldn’t jack anybody’s off-pork. Secondly, don’t eat off-pork. It’ll make you sick.

 

Q: can you jack off with external use only
R: Almost exclusively. Read more

Sesame Street Smackdown

 

Tonight on WWE Royal Rumble Wrestlemania Sesame Street Smackdown SummerSlam 207 it’s a 3 on 3 battle royale grudge match!

 

Roy Orton, John Cena, Kofi Kingston test their mettle against the baddest warriors on the street: Count Von Count, Oscar The Grouch and Snuffleupagus – in a no-holds barred challenge to take it to The Street, $39.95 Pay-Per-View extravaganza. Access WWE.com today for more information.

 

 

[c] 2009 Russ of America

 

Music track What’s It To Ya Punk courtesy of:

 

Amazing Computer System Bargain Offer For You!

 

Hey Friends, Russ of America here and I’ve got an amazing deal as a reward to you for being loyal, staying up late, reading my blog and listening to my important podcasts. I have this futuristic sci-fact technology called Read more

Toast Baby!

I try to avoid posting stuff that I didn’t create or that I didn’t improve in some humorous way, but this is an exception because I spent many hours recreating this image at 300dpi from a 3/4 inch square drawing found in a Delta Airlines safety pamphlet.

 

 

It may not qualify as “Crass, Puerile, Sardonic, Pseudo-Intellectual Humor and Satire of Dubious Scholastic Merit” but dammit, he’s cute as hell and he made for a hilarious pre-flight giggle session many years ago. He’s a baby made of toast floating in the ocean! If he gets wet, he’s gonna fall apart! That’s not safe at all, Delta! Won’t somebody save the Toast Baby?!

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