Amazing Computer System Bargain Offer For You!

 

Hey Friends, Russ of America here and I’ve got an amazing deal as a reward to you for being loyal, staying up late, reading my blog and listening to my important podcasts. I have this futuristic sci-fact technology called IBM Pentium” and it’s in its second, #2, release. I’m going to sell that to you with a pair of 3.8 x 10-6 TERRABYTE COMPUTER MEMORY SIMMs — that’s TERRABYTES – for the low price of $212 because this is a deal that’s boiling hot! And water boils at $212 Fahrenheit. And if you’re cool and commit within the next 4 hours, I will pay your sales tax — and shipping — and I’ll throw in a free ENHANCED Graphics Array monitor for $0, a non-OPTICAL computer mouse, a 9,600 baud modulator/demodulator and some free joystick drivers for your computer so you can play your joystick games like LodeRunner, Wheel of Fortune and the classic Where In The World is Carmen Sandiego, which I will also throw in for free, for an additional $20.

 

Act in the next 2 hours and I’ll hook you up with a Lantec Ansling mono speaker AUDIO SYSTEM for your ears and a 24x CD-ROM — that’s read-ONLY memory, and we’re talking about 24x — that’s 3.6 MILLION bps data transfer — Trust me that there are no other deals like this out there right now. And if you act now, you’ll get absolutely FREE, my two amazing fact-filled podcasts, How to Get Into Debt For Free and How To Use DOS 3.0 And Win At Zork. Cash, Paypal, debit card or cashier’s check are all accepted only. If you’re under 18, get your parents’ permission but you can’t pass this up so if they’re on the fence about buying it, just buy it yourself. Give us a call today. 1-800-034-RCoA. That’s 1-800-034-RCoA.

 

 

[c] 2009 Russ Carney of America

 

Music track EcxtasyX courtesy of:

 

 

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3 comments

  1. Ben says:

    This is great. It sounds like one of those “Al and Ed’s” car stereo commercials. Or maybe a “Wireless Toyz” cellphone store ad. I think you need to do a Guitar Center parody. But maybe for a classical instruments store? In the Guitar Center “GUITARISTS! GET. READY.” style.

    Just a thought.

  2. Ben says:

    BTW, did you do the music bed?. It achieves that vaguely techno/commercial feel. At any moment you could say “…lady’s get in free after 10pm, dress to impress”.

  3. The Main Man says:

    Thanks for the compliments, m’man. I didn’t do the music though. Jason Shaw is a musician who supports Creative Commons licensing, so I got the track in exchange for attribution. I really love the track though! You’re right, I can see it used in a fake Lucky Pierre ad or something similar. Guitar Center ad is already percolating in my noodle-space.

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