Answers To Your Jackoff Queries 4

Ah yes! Good news! Millions of people around the earth are still asking lots of questions about all-things jackoff! Fortunately they have at their disposal this fine blog as expert resource material. I am a man of integrity, honesty and beard and it is through my beard that I read these questions which top-tier search engines feel are best fielded by me. And thus for the fourth time, I again address your most pressing recent jackoff queries.

 

Q: jack off-pork
R: First of all, stealing is wrong, so you shouldn’t jack anybody’s off-pork. Secondly, don’t eat off-pork. It’ll make you sick.

 

Q: can you jack off with external use only
R: Almost exclusively.

 

Q: how much rest is required after 2 jackof
R: Four months. Well, it gets a little complicated actually. You need 1 month’s rest per testicle per jackoff, but the 4 months can be served simultaneously instead of consecutively. You’ve heard the expression “man-hours”? If there are 2 people on a job and it takes them 1 hour to complete the job, the job took 2 man-hours. If there’s 4 people on the job and it takes them 30 minutes to complete the job, that’s still 2 man-hours. So if you rest both testicles for 1 month, you’ve rested for a total of 2 ball-months and that’s what I mean. However, if you had 4 testicles, you couldn’t just wait half a month to get your 2 ball-months rest. You’d have to get 1 full month of rest for each testicle per jackoff. Anyway, I said it was complicated. If you don’t understand, keep Googling.

 

Q: +jacking penis
R: -hand = fail

 

Q: what happen if you jack off alot
R: If you jack off alot you will never learn how to spel write.

 

Q: how to jack off like a gay guy
R: Use your gay hand.

 

Q: is rip taylor gay
R: You’re fucking kidding, right? Rip Taylor the flamboyant mustachioed confetti man in the wig? Or do you know a different Rip Taylor? Boy, can you imagine being named Rip Taylor and growing up in the shadow of his celebrity?

 

Q: gay jackoff heaven
R: Abercrombie & Fitch

 

Q: types of musturbation
R: Dijon, yellow and stone ground.

 

Q: jackoff for granny
R: Makes sense to me. Think of all the Christmas and birthday money she gave you. A little j/o is the least you can do. That and visit her in the home a few times a year. Remember: Dentures can be removed, if you catch my drift. Speaking of which, do ya wanna know How To Score A Free Meal From Granny? Yeah you do!

 

Q: can people tell if you jack off
R: Yes. There are eight pantomimes of jackoff, which a trained eye can recognize. Also, there’s ejaculate on your shirt.

 

Q: how many eyelashes does a goat have
R: 1

 

Q: are you gay if you like ass play
R: Not if you follow the strict rules in The Heterosexual Male Assplay Primer. If you obey the rules you can enjoy as much assplay as you like without bearing any guilt or negative stigma.

 

Q: how to make jack off more interesting
R: Read Popular Science while schmacking.

 

Q: how to ask your buddy to jack off with you
R: Buy him dinner. And some alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. Make it into a game. Or better yet, a dare!
“Pfft, you’re not man enough to jack off with me.”
“Oh yeah? What do you know?!”
“I know you’re a lame-ass wuss.”
“I am not!”
“Ha! If you were a real man you’d jack off with me, but you’re afraid.”
“I am not! I could do it!”
“No you couldn’t.”
“I could so!”
“Oh yeah? Well I dare you!”
*fap fap fap*

 

 

DISCLAIMER: If you are under the age of 18, make sure to get your parents’ permission before masturbating. This blog is not a role-model and assumes no liability for any negative consequence, social, religious, spiritual, academic, or civil, related to your disgusting, depraved, immoral and completely natural activities.

 

 

[c] 2009 Russ of America

 

 

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2 comments

  1. Ben says:

    LOL, this cracked me up. Especially the bit about grandma. *Narf* bean dip!

  2. The Main Man says:

    Awesome, mang! Thanks for continuing to read and to comment. :D

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