Archive for December 2009

Coco And Coco



 

 

[c] 2009 Russ of America

 

Don’t Shoot The Mailman!

I don’t understand this tip-your-mailman-at-Christmas shit.

 

The mailman never brings me any good news; He only brings me garbage and bills. Sometimes he brings me the latest information about local savings on fresh chicken thighs, but that’s hardly his fault.

 

I know, I know, I shouldn’t shoot the messenger. So I won’t! I will NOT shoot the mailman. But if you can’t SHOOT the messenger, you also shouldn’t have to TIP the messenger.

 

Anyhow, I have a moral objection to tip any government employee who can’t either get me out of jail or legalize something, and who has a retirement plan and full medical. Maybe I’ll give him some chicken thighs.

 

 

[c] 2009 Russ of America

 

Project Incognito

Recently, former Alaskan Governor and future presidential wannabe Sarah Palin was spotted in Hawaii wearing a 2008 McCain presidential campaign visor with McCain’s name blacked-out. “Incognito,” Palin said, was the look she was going for. Because there’s nothing visually peculiar about a woman with a giant blotch of magic marker on her hat, right? Nothing that would make you do a double-take and ask, “What the fuck does that shit say?” And it’s not like Hawaii has any gift shops where a wealthy, famous person could buy a new visor or anything. But she wasn’t dissing John McCain — that’s a fact. When *I* cross out the names of *my* friends, it’s cool because I’m from the WEST side and you’re probably from the EAST side and we both do things differently, right?

 

Anyhow, I’m not certain Ms. Palin knows what incognito means, so I will take it upon myself to help elucidate through sarcasm, satire and condescending language.

 

If Palin had completed her first term as Governor of Alaska, it’s conceivable that her undercover state troopers would be super incognito driving this:



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Tiger And His 99 Problems

Tiger’s got 99 problems, but unlike Jay-Z, women seem to be all 99 of his problems. This is my official acknowledgment of the whole Tiger Woods affair — Excuse me, I meant situation — The whole Tiger Woods affair situation:

    “Blah blah Tiger Woods, blah blah, rock star?! Blah blah he think he is? Robert Plant? Blah blah Eazy-E? Blah blah, golf? Are you kidding me? Fuckin’ golf?!”

Tiger’s women troubles seem to have been foretold by a Read more

Meredith Baxter Is Gay

Esteemed television actress Meredith Baxter, who portrayed Elyse Keaton on 1980s hit sit-com Family Ties, recently revealed during a slightly awkward Today Show segment that she is a Lesbian. But for those of us who have been following her IMDB history over the years, this is no new revelation. Why, just looking at the names of some of the projects she’s worked on over the years, it is clear that she has been trying to tell us something for a very long time:

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Akbar Minus Jeff



 

This post is a derivative, friendly RIP-OFF and a tribute to Garfield Minus Garfield.

 

 

Russ of America