It is an affront to reason that an illegal immigrant can’t earn citizenship in the United States by serving honorably in our nation’s military. The DREAM Act suggested 2 years, but I propose a full 4 years. That should be the fast-track to citizenship! And I’m not talkin’ ’bout a romantic sunset beach patrol at Point Mugu, I’m talking about bare-knuckle blood-and-guts combat in one of those countries that writes in pothooks and curlicues!
What’s the better alternative? We should ask them to fill out a form, wait 20 years and PRESTO! — they suddenly become valued citizens, but are now older and ready to collect Social Security? No, I say! Let illegal immigrants join the military. Young ones. As young as the law will allow! Or even younger, if they’re willing to lie about their ages. We’ll send them overseas to fight for our right to party, and they’ll have to *earn* their right to rock and to listen to Elvis Presley records! And when they come home in pine boxes, we’ll let them finance high-interest tract homes in Stockton. And as long as it’s okay with the Homeowner Association, these revered, solemn patriots can proudly raise their American flags on the 4th of July and Cinco De Mayo, weather permitting. But probably not on Cinco De Mayo, because this is America, not your Mexico, goddammit! God bless the United States of America!
[c] 2011 Russ of America
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