First Check Drug Test Kit

The tempest of black fog in your head slowly dissipates and you begin to piece together where you are and what’s been going on.

It’s 2:23am and all the furniture in your apartment has been overturned or moved. Mirrors, family photos and curios you once cherished have all been shattered. Cluttered counters are now naked. There’s a hole in the drywall left behind by the coffee mug you dodged just in time. You’re under the kitchen table.

Gasp! Suddenly you remember your $3000 flatscreen TV! You snap your head toward the living room. The flatscreen didn’t make it. It has fallen, dead, a corner of the coffee table lanced through its face.

Your heart beats rapidly, sweat trickles down your temple. You reach up to wipe it away, then realize it’s not sweat, it’s blood oozing from a small gash above your hair line. Maybe you didn’t dodge that coffee mug after all? You’ll never know.

You scurry from underneath the kitchen table and leap to your feet. You head toward the back hallway, your breathing becoming more intense. Your movements growing more animated and furious! You turn to the bedroom and kick open the door. Your ragamuffin deadbeat son sits on the edge of the bed, brooding. You scream at the top of your lungs, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE ON BUT I KNOW YOU’RE ON SOMETHING, GODDAMMIT!”

Next Tuesday night, when you find yourself in the same position you’ve been in week after week, trust the leader in home drug screening, First Check. First Check offers the most comprehensive home drug test kit, capable of providing 5-minute results on up to 12 commonly abused chemical substances: marijuana, cocaine, opiates, methamphetamine, ecstacy, amphetamines, phencyclidine (PCP), tricyclic antidepressants, barbiturates, benzodiazepines, methadone and oxycodone.

When, “I’M NOT ON ANYTHING, MOM! GET OFF MY CASE, YOU BITCH! GOD, I FUCKING HATE YOU!” no longer soothes your nagging maternal instinct that something might be wrong, let First Check provide you with the answers you need.

First Check.

[c] 2012 Russ of America


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