Esteemed television actress Meredith Baxter, who portrayed Elyse Keaton on 1980s hit sit-com Family Ties, recently revealed during a slightly awkward Today Show segment that she is a Lesbian. But for those of us who have been following her IMDB history over the years, this is no new revelation. Why, just looking at the names of some of the projects she’s worked on over the years, it is clear that she has been trying to tell us something for a very long time:
When I was in 7th grade my friends and I made a daily habit of crank-calling people. We’d congregate around the white Panasonic speakerphone and dial local numbers randomly. We’d usually keep it to a few prefixes that we were familiar with. We had a few routines that were fun. I liked to start out the conversation by asking them who THEY were. Which is why, to this day, if a caller begins the call with “Hi, who is this?” I always respond, “I give up.”
Snuggies already look like day-glo robes from a freak religious cult. But throw in a couple of overly-enthusiastic white people dancing in the kitchen with lunatic grins and, well, just look at the photo.
Blogging metrics are so important to anyone who tries to make people laugh via blogging. I was fortunate to see a ridiculous exponential jump in hits to my Cleft Deodorant post on November 7th. All of the hits came from StumbleUpon, though I’m unsure why it jumped so quickly. It was deliciously insane! While the status quo has been resumed, I hope that the visitors come back and find something else amusing after checking out my #1 Favorite Posts. Thanks for visiting!
Ah, Halloween! As far as I’m concerned, it’s the purest of all the holidays, because it doesn’t matter who you are or what god you believe in; If you’re a kid and you’re dressed up real cute in Halloween gear, you’re gonna get some candy. It’s the only time of year when people really DO give without any expectation of something in return, whether it be cranberry sauce, pastel candies, flowers or gifts. But, like most other holidays, there is a heavy commercial presence. Costumes are store-bought and many are licensed from comic books, movies and books as you will see below. I wanted to help celebrate the awesome joy of Halloween, but I also wanted to protect the identities of the children involved and avoid any legal hassles from sharpshooter corporate legal teams. So I’m redacting the faces of the kids as well as all trademarked logos and images.
Happy Halloween!
Awww! The kid on the far right is hilarious with his goofy smile. He’s not wearing his mask, which could be problematic for this crime-fighting arachnid, but he really is cute! In the middle is a basketball player for the ********* *********. Going by the large 23 on his jersey he’s obviously ****** *****. I have no idea who the kid on the left is supposed to be. I’ve redacted the back of her head because certain characteristics could cause her to be identified.
For all you technophiles, here is a copy of the first email volley ever written. These five email messages were hacked out in 1971 and sent across the fledgling Arpanet. And while Internet lore suggests that Roy Tomlinson may have been involved, this cannot be proven in a court of law, so we’ll assume that he had nothing to do with these exchanges.
The world’s most popular search engines send me tons of visitors who have tons of jackoff-related questions. Here are more examples of their helpless queries and my helpful replies:
Q: can i jackoff into your ass
R: No.
Q: how to suppress urge to jackoff
R: Try rubberbands.
Q: how to jackoff more than once
R: That’s easy — Jerk off a second time.
Remember the photo of Shel Silverstein on the liner sleeve of The Giving Tree? The scary one where he’s posing with a guitar? Yeah. And what about the back of that book? Remember that swarthy bald guy with the beard? The one who looked like a thin Suge Knight? Well? Is Shel Silverstein Black or Jewish?
