When I was in 7th grade my friends and I made a daily habit of crank-calling people. We’d congregate around the white Panasonic speakerphone and dial local numbers randomly. We’d usually keep it to a few prefixes that we were familiar with. We had a few routines that were fun. I liked to start out the conversation by asking them who THEY were. Which is why, to this day, if a caller begins the call with “Hi, who is this?” I always respond, “I give up.”
The world’s most popular search engines send me tons of visitors who have tons of jackoff-related questions. Here are more examples of their helpless queries and my helpful replies:
Q: can i jackoff into your ass
R: No.
Q: how to suppress urge to jackoff
R: Try rubberbands.
Q: how to jackoff more than once
R: That’s easy — Jerk off a second time.
