Tag Archive for bea arthur

Amateur Celebrity Death Reporter

Boy, people sure like to be the first person to tell you when a celebrity dies, don’t they? Man I love that! That is one of my favorite things ever; I love to be the first person to break the news that someone well-known or important has died. There is nothing more awesome and rewarding than that. What an exquisite pleasure!

    RCoA: Hey man, that’s a great shirt.
    PERSON: Thanks dude! I got it at Mervyn’s.
    RCoA: Crazy. Hey, did you hear about Dom Deluise?
    PERSON: No, what happened?
    RCoA: [respectful pause] He died.
    PERSON: [gasp!] Really? Wow, that’s so sad. How did he die?
    RCoA: Not sure, they didn’t say in the news, but I’d guess it was natural causes.
    PERSON: Boy, that’s too bad. I just saw Blazing Saddles like two months ago.
    RCoA: Yeah.

It’s like a sport for me. Let’s say it’s the middle of the day and I’m at work and I catch wind that Marilyn Chambers or Bea Arthur just passed. I’d look around the office and see if people were talking about it yet. Do I detect an air of fake solemnity yet? No? Not yet? The buzz of laughter as a means to kill the fake pain? Not yet. Then I’d pick up my mug and head to the kitchen. On my way there, I’d Read more