May 5th, 2009
Amateur Celebrity Death Reporter
Boy, people sure like to be the first person to tell you when a celebrity dies, don’t they? Man I love that! That is one of my favorite things ever; I love to be the first person to break the news that someone well-known or important has died. There is nothing more awesome and rewarding than that. What an exquisite pleasure!
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RCoA: Hey man, that’s a great shirt.
PERSON: Thanks dude! I got it at Mervyn’s.
RCoA: Crazy. Hey, did you hear about Dom Deluise?
PERSON: No, what happened?
RCoA: [respectful pause] He died.
PERSON: [gasp!] Really? Wow, that’s so sad. How did he die?
RCoA: Not sure, they didn’t say in the news, but I’d guess it was natural causes.
PERSON: Boy, that’s too bad. I just saw Blazing Saddles like two months ago.
RCoA: Yeah.
It’s like a sport for me. Let’s say it’s the middle of the day and I’m at work and I catch wind that Marilyn Chambers or Bea Arthur just passed. I’d look around the office and see if people were talking about it yet. Do I detect an air of fake solemnity yet? No? Not yet? The buzz of laughter as a means to kill the fake pain? Not yet. Then I’d pick up my mug and head to the kitchen. On my way there, I’d … Click Here to Read On! …
