Printed on the back of a box of Band-Aids™ is the clear warning that Band-Aid™ Brand bandages are for external use only. That’s a lesson I learned many years ago:
Russ: Hey dah.
Dad: Hey son, what’s the matter?
Russ: I rimpa fycrah iha mou.
Dad: You lit a firecracker in your mouth?
Russ: Raa. Ra a gah mou fu Ban-Ay™
Dad: And now you’ve got a mouth full of Band-Aids™? You take those out immediately! Band-Aids™ are for external use only!
As summer turns to fall, I think of all the people who might be visiting their local parks, maybe getting a little time on those ancient splintery see-saws. The worst thing in the world would be to take a sliver of wood right up your ass and potentially bleed to death. If you DO happen to take a sliver of wood right up your ass, your first instinct after waddling home will probably be to slap some Band-Aids™ along the inside of your rectal wall to stop the bleeding. BUT DON’T DO THAT! Band-Aids™ are for external use only.
[c] 2008 Russ of America