Blogging metrics are so important to anyone who tries to make people laugh via blogging. I was fortunate to see a ridiculous exponential jump in hits to my Cleft Deodorant post on November 7th. All of the hits came from StumbleUpon, though I’m unsure why it jumped so quickly. It was deliciously insane! While the status quo has been resumed, I hope that the visitors come back and find something else amusing after checking out my #1 Favorite Posts. Thanks for visiting!
I’ve always wanted to be “the bad boy of” something. The media loves that guy and all of his unpredictable drama. Don’t they call Tommy Lee the bad boy of glam metal? And Gordon Ramsay is indisputably the bad boy of cooking. Cooking? Yeah, cooking! There weren’t nearly enough bad boys of cooking until Gordon Ramsay. Before him it was Jack Tripper, but he was a bit of a candy-ass, although he did score co-habitation with some pretty hot chicks. And then if you scroll back through your pop culture file a few years you’ll recall that Bobby Fischer was considered the bad boy of chess. Chess? Chess had a bad boy? Yep. Chess had a bad boy. Today I read an article about a dude named David Martz whose pilot’s license was suspended by the FAA after he was filmed getting a blowjob while in the skies over San Diego. Clearly he’s the bad boy of helicoptering!
So yeah, I’m a little envious of all these bad boys. They get the press, they get the helicopter blowjobs, they get to make sexy movies with Pamela Anderson (I think I made a little upchuck in my mouth. It tastes funny!) and so I’mma start thinking really carefully about how I can become the bad boy of something, and what it should be that I’m the bad boy of.
Gardening? I’m not very good at that. I guess I like the imagery though — being found passed out drunk in a bed of grape hyacinths, broken beer bottles askew and a toppled gnome.
How about the bad boy of PC upgrades. I could get a show on G4 and talk all sorts of shit about Windows Vista and roast those L4M3R n00bz who call in to ask questions. I could get arrested for assaulting my co-star with a wireless mouse right up her cornpipe!
The bad boy of blogging? I almost think that title would be reserved for that Perez Hilton character because he’s mean and nobody can control him and he’s a real loose cannon.
So I’ll open it up to the one person who reads my blog. If I were to be the bad boy of something, what would you suggest that it should be?
Things are pretty glum down at the old office; Frankly, I’m just tired of complaining about fudgey spoons in the sink and having to order the fucking toner all the time, so I’ve been distracting my fury by doing some professional writing work, which is totally a good thing. My most recent gig is as a blog writer for Courtney Love. Trust me, CL is too busy to write her own blogs, so her people hired me to do it. I’ve written about seven of them so far and I charge a pretty penny. I’m totally willing to offer you my services for pennies on what Court is paying me, but that’s only because I like you. Just tell me a little about yourself, I will write up a contract and we can get started.
Here’s a sample of my work:
so sick and tired of all the wanking paparotsi tho follow me into the starhbusk to see me lift myskirt and piss on the toilets eat -why do they do that they never gave a shit when i and kurt were poor an dliving cigarette to cigarette or even when we were on the top of the world and i had to throw bottles at madonnas head to get attention or so much as a look from anyone who matterd- And kurt who was so sucessful he took a dying textile flannle and revaginated it so that all the motherfuckers who wanted to be rockers but couldnt afford the axl rose pants pants could go into their grandfather scloset and pull out the flannle shirts nbody care dabout him when he did that did u?but he coulda made milions just from saving flannle =but now that i’m famous the papparotsi stick theres camras in my junk and photograp hme and take my blogs which i write myself and steel them to put them in their tmz fuck you cunt harvey levin don’t give a shit about nobody cept when there somebody and there b/coming nobody again=- me and kurt used ta say that whenyour nobody you cant be famouse for nothing but only once your famouse can you be famuose again for being a nobody – curse of the downtrodden selsl magazines dont it fuck you harvey levin im a rocker and ive seen it all and you are all worthless roaches- i swear to gawd papaROTsi some day you will ake like i ake