Tag Archive for bongs

Superfluous Quotation Marks

I’ll spare the expository grammar lesson, in favor of a snarky admission: I’m amused when I see a flagrant misuse of quotation marks. Here are two examples. I may add more as I see them in the world. Mostly to entertain myself. Not too many people collect superfluous quotation marks. It’s a good recession-resistant industry.

 

Some restaurants prefer to emblazon on their menus the warm, friendly and trite statement “Quality and service is our motto!”. In the following photo, from a Korean BBQ in LA’s Koreatown, the proprietors have diverged from tradition in favor of the more stern corporate philosophy, “To Go Will Not Be Allowed.” The food, I must say, was delicious.

 

 

The next photo was taken at a Yoshinoya in North Hollywood. As I interpret the sign, you are supposed to use the transparent cups for “water”. You know. “Water.” With finger-quotes. Kinda like how bongs are [fingerquotes] “for tobacco use only.” Employees are willing to look the other way if you use the transparent cups for, say, Tropicana Fruit Punch on the left or Tropicana Pink Lemonade on the right.

 

 

Re-affirming my belief that looking the other way on beverage theft is corporate policy at Yoshinoya, I found the same sign at a Yoshinoya in West LA. My reader Josephine razzes me about eating at Yoshinoya, but he is rather narrow-minded and irrationally snobbish.

 

 

 

[c] 2009 Russ of America

Substance Abuse

There’s a difference between substance use and substance abuse.

 

Substance use is when a responsible psychonaut sporadically and delicately takes advantage of the positive qualities of a substance in order to derive personal satisfaction.

 

Substance abuse is when you do like I do with my favorite substance, carbon. Yes, you read that correctly; I am a carbon abuser. I go to town! I can’t be stopped. I throw a handful of graphite into my color-changing multi-chamber water pipe, flame it up with my Calibri pocket torch and hit that shit like I’m Cypress Hill of element 6.

 

I’ve also smoked 2, 20 and 80, but they only gave me two headaches and severe blood poisoning, so I’m pretty cool sticking to 6.

 

 

[c] 2008 Russ of America