Tag Archive for cheesecloth

Homeopathic Chicken Soup Recipe

I greatly enjoy cooking. It’s a fun, artistic and loving pastime in which to indulge. I’ve had quite a bit of experience creating my own recipes and recently have come up with a number of homeopathic meals. On a crisp winter evening there’s very little that I enjoy more than a good, rich, homeopathic soup. Few things warm the heart quite like it and it brings comfort and relief to any poor soul laid up in bed with a wicked chest cold.

 

Homeopathic Chicken Soup

 

PREP TIME: 15 minutes
COOK TIME: 2 days

    You will need:
    2 six-quart soup pots
    1 tablespoon butter
    1 whole chicken, quartered if you like.
    2 large carrots, diced
    2 stalks celery, diced
    2 cloves garlic, minced
    1 large onion, coarsely chopped
    1 tablespoon thyme
    2 bay leaves

In a large soup pot, heat butter. Add onion and saute until translucent. Add garlic and saute for 30 seconds. Working quickly, add whole chicken, chopped carrots, celery, thyme and bay leaves and a tablespoon of salt. Cover the ingredients with approximately 6 quarts of cold, filtered water and bring to boil over a medium-high flame. Once boiling, reduce flame to medium and cover for approximately 1 hour or until chicken begins to separate from the bone. Occasionally skim froth from the top of the mixture as it boils.

 

Once the vegetables are tender and the chicken has cooked thoroughly, strain the soup into a second large pot.

 

After thoroughly washing the first soup pot, take one eye-dropper full of broth and transfer only one drop to the clean first pot. Discard remaining 6 quarts of chicken broth.

 

To the single drop of chicken broth add 99 drops cold water and bring to boil over medium-high heat for 1 second. Filter the broth again through fine cheesecloth into a clean soup pot. Succuss 100 times, up, down, left, right, forward, backward. Be careful to avoid splashing or burning.

 

Remove 1 dropper full of the new diluted broth. Wash the original pot again and then add one drop of the refined broth. Add another 99 drops water and bring to boil, reducing to medium-high for 1 second. Again succuss 100 times, up, down, left, right, forward, backward.

 

Repeat dilution and succussion process 30-60x to make the chicken taste even better than you can possibly imagine.

 

This folksy remedy operates on the principle like treats like and deliciousness treats deliciousness. So if you let a chicken peck out your eye, this homeopathic soup would cure blindness caused by chicken-pecking, but only if you were peckish for chicken, because homeopathy is not limited by wordplay. It would also cure avian flu and any human disease that was chicken-related, or any disease caused by deliciousness. So if you ate a delicious pork chop and got trichinosis, you should immediately make a batch of Homeopathic Chicken Soup to cure the deliciousness that caused your original disease. Makes perfect sense, right? If this doesn’t make sense, it’s because you are closed-minded and aren’t receptive to 200 years of proven non-allopathic remedies that might cure deliciousness, and we pity you and pray for you.

 

Don’t forget to garnish with 1/10000000000000 poppy seed and serve immediately while hot.

 

 

[c] 2009 Russ of America

Chola Photography

If you and I were boyfriend-girlfriend, on our two month anniversary I think it would be pretty hot if I drove us to one of those swap-meet photographers who specialize in photographing cholas so we could have our picture taken together.

 

Do you know which ones I’m talking about? They’re shot through six layers of cheesecloth and Vaseline so that you can’t make out anybody’s facial features and everybody radiates an ethereal, white Kirlian aura.

 

Sometimes the homegirls are leanin’ all sexy on an doric column with a fake window or some air-brushed background behind her… flowers in her hair, pouty mouth — posing stomach-down on a bear-skin rug or some shit.

 

I really believe in enduring symbols of love and chola photography is the way I can best express my fondness for and commitment to you.

 

 

[c] 2006 Russ of America