The tempest of black fog in your head slowly dissipates and you begin to piece together where you are and what’s been going on.
It’s 2:23am and all the furniture in your apartment has been overturned or moved. Mirrors, family photos and curios you once cherished have all been shattered. Cluttered counters are now naked. There’s a hole in the drywall left behind by the coffee mug you dodged just in time. You’re under the kitchen table.
Gasp! Suddenly you remember your $3000 flatscreen TV! Read more
A decade before I ever drove a car I was taught that if you spot an automobile driving at night with its headlights off, the way to communicate to them that their lights are off, is to turn your lights off and on a couple of times.
I’ve been doing this for almost two decades I’d estimate that the other driver corrects their lightless condition a mere 3% of the time. What the hell am I wasting my energy for?
So these days, instead of flashing my headlights, I just pray for them to drive into a lightpost. I am a huge fan of ironic justice, and I think that fits the bill just fine.
[c] 2009 Russ of America
UPDATE: 06.23.09 – Tonight, during the darker side of dusk, I saw several people driving with their headlights off. Just for fun I flashed my headlights at two random malefactors. For the first transgressor, I turned my lights off, paused two beats, then turned them back on. No change. The driver continued down the street with his lights off. For the second scrumblehead I flashed the headlights rapidly off-on-off-on-off-on. Nope. They didn’t flick on the headlights. Neither dipshit turned on his lights. Did I actually expect anything different? No! I’ve come to understand that if a person is driving with their headlights off, they’re not paying attention to anything to begin with. They have no clue that their lights or off, or that they’re driving too fast (because their dashboard is completely blacked out) and they’re just roaming through the streets like a jackass zombie. Fine. I get it. This test was meant to confirm or refute my anecdotal hypothesis that they’re just in their own worlds, and that’s exactly what’s going on. No surprise. Good luck when you’re wrapped around that lightpost, fuckwad! Pray pray pray pray pray…