Tag Archive for conservation

Green Earth Tip #8

8)
Winter’s coming, and you know what that means, don’t you genius? It means that it’s gonna get cold. I’ll give you a moment to collect yourself for not having known that winter = cold.

 

This year, instead of being a Greedy Gus** and wasting precious coal and gas and oil and electricity to heat your ridiculously huge McMansion or whatever tiny shithole you live in, why not just suck it up and Read more

Green Earth Tip #7

7)
Getting water to major metropolitan areas such as Los Angeles is no joke. It requires a big, old, failing infrastructure, pushed to its limits with the influx of new dreamy-eyed residents into Southern California each year. To make matters worse, SoCal wants to be a desert. That’s its natural state. So it’s no surprise that residents are experiencing the panic and discomfort of its perpetual drought. Naturally, our state leaders wait until June to amp up awareness and pepper the airwaves with water conservation PSAs in a futile hope that people will realize how serious our annual water shortage is and then cooperate. Of course, by June it’s Read more

GM Auto Bailout Restructure Plan

Dear GM and Other Dying American Auto Companies,

 

I know you didn’t hire me, but this is a freebie. KNX1070 recently broadcast that GM offered a shit ton of stock to the government in exchange for picking up the tab on half of your debt while you guys restructure. I balance this latest news against decades of bad news stories surrounding your company: Plant closures, auto-worker strikes, etc. My age long impression of GM is that it is constantly struggling to survive and keep its employees employed, almost for the sake of keeping them employed. What the hell would the government want with an epic fail car company?

 

I’m neither an economist nor a auto-enthusiast. I’m a consumer and a humor writer, and my only two qualifications to write this is that I’m literate and that I made a conscious choice a few years back to NOT buy a GM product. So here are my recommendations to you GM, and in fact to ALL American automobile companies in a similar boat, and I guess to the US Government who may or may not soon be half partners with Godawful Mess. So let’s start with the idea that you are able to land your favored deals with the government for bailout. Now what?

 

* Cut the bloat! A bad economy should encourage competitive labor. Salary caps for brain-dead jobs regardless of the Read more

Green Earth Tip #5

5)
Don’t eat like a slob and you won’t use as many napkins.
Use your fork to put food IN your mouth instead of just mashing it into the general vicinity. When you stop eating by the handful, that’s when the real impact to paper napkins is seen.

 

 

[c] 2009 Russ of America

Answers To Your Jackoff Queries 1

Hello!

 

My name is Russ of America and I run a humor blog that was once called 400% More Jackoff Magic. You may have heard of me from such blogs as this one. I’ve been doing a little research on my blog statistics recently, (a self-indulgent marketing activity practiced by most bloggers,) and I noticed some trends in the kinds of queries people are entering into search engines. To be more helpful to my visitors, and to potentially encourage them to read more of the crass, puerile, sardonic, pseudo-intellectual humor I’ve written on this site, I thought I might invest a few moments to address some of your interests.

 

Here are some of the top search queries and my helpful responses.

Culpable

I admit:

 

I feel a little concerned that driving to work every day means that we have to be at war with the Middle East.

 

I won’t lie. I feel a little funny about that.

 

Odd, almost.

 

A tinge culpable.

 

Slight leanings toward responsible.

 

I think I might even be feeling marginally involved.

 

A shame, really. People dying.

 

I drive a Hummer; I’m trying to make a difference.

 

 

[c] 2006 Russ of America