Tag Archive for cooking

The Big Limburger Mistake

I like to try new things. I’ll usually try a new food once and if I don’t like it, I’ll never have it again. Quail eggs, for example, are effing nasty and I’ll never eat those bastards a second time. Remember my post about experimenting with novelty snacks? Usually it’s a good thing to experiment with new things. I mean, why are we alive if we’re only here to drive down the same streets, read the same books, and eat the same foods over and over? But as you recall from that novelty snacks post, I have a Read more

I Want To Be The Bad Boy Of

I’ve always wanted to be “the bad boy of” something. The media loves that guy and all of his unpredictable drama. Don’t they call Tommy Lee the bad boy of glam metal? And Gordon Ramsay is indisputably the bad boy of cooking. Cooking? Yeah, cooking! There weren’t nearly enough bad boys of cooking until Gordon Ramsay. Before him it was Jack Tripper, but he was a bit of a candy-ass, although he did score co-habitation with some pretty hot chicks. And then if you scroll back through your pop culture file a few years you’ll recall that Bobby Fischer was considered the bad boy of chess. Chess? Chess had a bad boy? Yep. Chess had a bad boy. Today I read an article about a dude named David Martz whose pilot’s license was suspended by the FAA after he was filmed getting a blowjob while in the skies over San Diego. Clearly he’s the bad boy of helicoptering!

 

So yeah, I’m a little envious of all these bad boys. They get the press, they get the helicopter blowjobs, they get to make sexy movies with Pamela Anderson (I think I made a little upchuck in my mouth. It tastes funny!) and so I’mma start thinking really carefully about how I can become the bad boy of something, and what it should be that I’m the bad boy of.

 

Gardening? I’m not very good at that. I guess I like the imagery though — being found passed out drunk in a bed of grape hyacinths, broken beer bottles askew and a toppled gnome.

 

How about the bad boy of PC upgrades. I could get a show on G4 and talk all sorts of shit about Windows Vista and roast those L4M3R n00bz who call in to ask questions. I could get arrested for assaulting my co-star with a wireless mouse right up her cornpipe!

 

The bad boy of blogging? I almost think that title would be reserved for that Perez Hilton character because he’s mean and nobody can control him and he’s a real loose cannon.

 

So I’ll open it up to the one person who reads my blog. If I were to be the bad boy of something, what would you suggest that it should be?

 

 

[c] 2009 Russ of America

Homeopathic Chicken Soup Recipe

I greatly enjoy cooking. It’s a fun, artistic and loving pastime in which to indulge. I’ve had quite a bit of experience creating my own recipes and recently have come up with a number of homeopathic meals. On a crisp winter evening there’s very little that I enjoy more than a good, rich, homeopathic soup. Few things warm the heart quite like it and it brings comfort and relief to any poor soul laid up in bed with a wicked chest cold.

 

Homeopathic Chicken Soup

 

PREP TIME: 15 minutes
COOK TIME: 2 days

    You will need:
    2 six-quart soup pots
    1 tablespoon butter
    1 whole chicken, quartered if you like.
    2 large carrots, diced
    2 stalks celery, diced
    2 cloves garlic, minced
    1 large onion, coarsely chopped
    1 tablespoon thyme
    2 bay leaves

In a large soup pot, heat butter. Add onion and saute until translucent. Add garlic and saute for 30 seconds. Working quickly, add whole chicken, chopped carrots, celery, thyme and bay leaves and a tablespoon of salt. Cover the ingredients with approximately 6 quarts of cold, filtered water and bring to boil over a medium-high flame. Once boiling, reduce flame to medium and cover for approximately 1 hour or until chicken begins to separate from the bone. Occasionally skim froth from the top of the mixture as it boils.

 

Once the vegetables are tender and the chicken has cooked thoroughly, strain the soup into a second large pot.

 

After thoroughly washing the first soup pot, take one eye-dropper full of broth and transfer only one drop to the clean first pot. Discard remaining 6 quarts of chicken broth.

 

To the single drop of chicken broth add 99 drops cold water and bring to boil over medium-high heat for 1 second. Filter the broth again through fine cheesecloth into a clean soup pot. Succuss 100 times, up, down, left, right, forward, backward. Be careful to avoid splashing or burning.

 

Remove 1 dropper full of the new diluted broth. Wash the original pot again and then add one drop of the refined broth. Add another 99 drops water and bring to boil, reducing to medium-high for 1 second. Again succuss 100 times, up, down, left, right, forward, backward.

 

Repeat dilution and succussion process 30-60x to make the chicken taste even better than you can possibly imagine.

 

This folksy remedy operates on the principle like treats like and deliciousness treats deliciousness. So if you let a chicken peck out your eye, this homeopathic soup would cure blindness caused by chicken-pecking, but only if you were peckish for chicken, because homeopathy is not limited by wordplay. It would also cure avian flu and any human disease that was chicken-related, or any disease caused by deliciousness. So if you ate a delicious pork chop and got trichinosis, you should immediately make a batch of Homeopathic Chicken Soup to cure the deliciousness that caused your original disease. Makes perfect sense, right? If this doesn’t make sense, it’s because you are closed-minded and aren’t receptive to 200 years of proven non-allopathic remedies that might cure deliciousness, and we pity you and pray for you.

 

Don’t forget to garnish with 1/10000000000000 poppy seed and serve immediately while hot.

 

 

[c] 2009 Russ of America

Microwave Stopped One Second Early!

In local news today, things get so out of hand in a Los Angeles area kitchen, that their cooking staff was forced to turn off their microwave one second earlier than planned. Authorities were contacted and nobody was hurt in the incident. Investigators are still looking into the matter.

 



 

 

[c] 2008 Russ of America

Russ of America On: the Filipino Delicacy “Lumpia”

Don’t ever let boiling oil get in the way of you and your dreams.

 

 

[c] 2008 Russ of America