Russ Carney of America

Thankfully, I get a lot of visitors to my site who are looking for all things jackoff-related. Unthankfully, there are a lot of really stupid people out there who are asking really stupid questions and who don’t quite know how a search engine works. I dunno. Anyway, I’m not trying to be a techno-elitist, so here are my favorite recent jackoff queries, with an emphasis on the stupid-ass queries.

Q: how to jackoff with g-string
R: Beats the hell out of me. Maybe you wrap it around? Seriously, what are you trying to find out?

Q: jackoff tips
R: Are you not having any luck jacking off? I’m not sure how you could fail at the jackoff, but in the interest of fostering an honest academic exchange, … Click Here to Read On! …

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A loyal reader of 400% More Jackoff Magic has asked me for some advice. He queries:

Dear Mr. Carney of America,
If I get really drunk and wake up with a penis in my mouth, am I gay? Yeah, ok, that’s pretty gay, but what if it’s a female penis?

 

Confused from Oklahoma

Dear Oklahoma,
I want to remind you of legendary Led Zeppelin drummer, John Bonham. He woke up one morning from a night of heavy drinking with a pool of vomit in his mouth. But you know what? … Click Here to Read On! …

No Comments | In: Well Organized Ideas | tags: advice column, asphyxiation, choke, classic rock, cunnilingus, death, fellatio, female penis, females, gay, homosexuality, john bonham, ladycock, led zepplin, oral sex, vomit. | #