Tag Archive for drums

Heart Attack



RUSS: [on drums] Hey, so guys, I just wrote a new song and I’m pretty proud about it and I thought that maybe we could run through it a couple of times.
OMID: [on guitar] Cool, let’s hear it.
RUSS: Well, I don’t have any music for it yet — all I have are the words and lyrics. But I wrote most of it last night and I started thinking that it really has potential — With the right melody, and if we were to record it, and get some funding and a little distribution, we could probably get it out there and I don’t think we’d have any problem getting it played on KROQ or whatever.
JOHN: [on bass] Okay, well I’m sure we could come up with something. What’s the tempo?
RUSS: It’s a slower-tempo song. Kinda like this [plays drums]
GAM: [on guitar] A ballad? That’s an interesting choice for a debut song.
RUSS: Well it doesn’t have to be the debut necessarily, but since we weren’t recording anything…
JOHN: That’s a pretty slow beat. [plays bassline at double-time] How’s this?
RUSS: That’s a good riff. I dunno if it’ll work for the song though. I’ve never written a song this way before — what’s the best way to do this?
GAM: Well maybe you could read the lyrics and once we get a sense for the melody, then we could throw together some tunes.
RUSS: Just read the song?
OMID: Yeah, just do the beat, then read the first line and we’ll start working around it.
RUSS: Okay. [plays drums] “I gotta say that I love you girl…”
OMID: That’s an A-minor. Hang on. Take two. Start the beat again and we’ll do this in A-minor.
RUSS: I don’t know how to play the drums in A-minor — do I have to do anything special?
GAM: No, you just have to sing the lyrics once we get a handle on the melody. We’ll work through it in A-minor.




    Words and Lyrics by Russ Carney of America
    copyright 2008 All Rights Reserved


    I gotta say that I love u girl,
    U’re the greatest in the whole wide world.
    I wanna hold u in my loving arms
    And feel the warmth of ur tender charms.


    Can’t u see that I’m on my knees,
    I want to be with u forever, please.
    Cuz I really want to be with u,
    I wanna spend my whole life with u


    I don’t really know just what I’d do
    If I couldn’t spend my life with u
    I really need to learn just how to act
    This kind of love is like a heart attack.


    I don’t really know just what I’d do
    If I couldn’t spend my life with u
    I really need to learn just how to act
    This kind of love is like a heart attack.


    Dope! With a positive connotation
    I’m loving u with the sweet imagination
    Give you all my loving and u know that I’ll be strong
    If u let me love u girlie, all night long.
    I want to take u to my private hide-away
    And I have only one more thing to say
    When I hold you close to me and take u in my arms
    I feel ur tender charms, baby all night long!


    [REPEAT 1st VERSE]
    [FADE OUT]

JOHN: [stops playing abruptly] I’m sorry… I’m sorry man. I just can’t play this.
[the other instruments begin to fizzle out too]
OMID: Yeah, me neither.
RUSS: What? What’s wrong?
GAM: Dude — This song fucking sucks.
RUSS: What?
GAM: It… fucking… sucks!
RUSS: What are you talking about?
OMID: Your song is lame. The beat is lame, the music is lame…
RUSS: Well YOU guys wrote the music.
JOHN: You know what we mean.
RUSS: No I don’t! Don’t tell me that I know what you mean. You said that the music sucked, but I didn’t write the music. I wrote the words and lyrics.
OMID: The lyrics are lame. Very fucking lame.
JOHN: [trying to be nice] They really are bad.
RUSS: What’s wrong with my words and lyrics?
GAM: I don’t know if you know what the word “bromidic” means, but the lyrics are bromidic.
OMID: Trite. It means basically the same thing as trite. Amateurish…
JOHN: Hackneyed. Cliché. Totally WACK!
GAM: Wiggity wack.
OMID: Like a heart attack.
GAM: [to Omid] That was good. I liked the tie in there.
RUSS: You guys don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.
JOHN: You rhymed arms with charms.
OMID: And girl with world; knees and please.
GAM: Dude, you put a fucking rap breakdown in a love ballad. What is this, the 80s? We’re in the 21st Century for Christ’s Sake. Were you thinking to yourself, gee, this song really needs a little of LL Cool J’s “I Need Love”
RUSS: Are you kidding? That rap is sweet!
OMID: No. It’s horrible. It’s absolutely horrible!
GAM: Are you even aware that you told us that you wrote the words and lyrics?
RUSS: Yes, so? I did write them.
GAM: Do you know that in the context of a song, the words *are* the lyrics?
RUSS: Sure.
JOHN: I don’t think you do.
OMID: No, he definitely doesn’t understand that.
RUSS: Look guys, fuck this shit. Man. I don’t need this shit. You guys can go fuck yourself. You never let me contribute anything to the group, and when I do, all you can do is fucking pick on me and tear apart my work. Well fuck you John, and Fuck You Omid, and fuck *YOU* Michael. I don’t need any of you, and you’re all FIRED! You’re all out of the band! [storms out of the studio.]


[everybody looks around somewhat somberly]


JOHN: He was a pretty shitty drummer.
OMID: Yeah, totally. And did he kick three people out of a four-person band? Can you do that?
GAM: I don’t think so. This is *my* garage. So shall we get back to jamming?


[They start playing again; the song they play sucks about as bad as Heart Attack.]



[c] 2008 Russ of America

Tune That Drum

ONE: Are you going to tune that drum?
TWO: Do what to which?
ONE: Tune that drum.
TWO: Pfft! You don’t tune a drum. Drums aren’t instruments.
ONE: Yes they are.
TWO: No they’re not. Instruments have strings.
ONE: What are you talking about? Trumpets don’t have strings, saxophones don’t have strings.
TWO: Right. And so they’re not instruments.
ONE: What do you mean they’re not instruments?
TWO: Horns aren’t instruments, they’re noisemakers. At 12:00 on New Years you don’t play a violin, you blow a horn. Or one of those things that go WHEEEEEE and the little paper thing unspools. Those aren’t instruments, they’re noisemakers. Just like drums. Do the neighbors ever pound on the door to yell about how melodic the drums sound?
ONE: You’re an idiot.
TWO: Maybe I am, but I’m going to be out having a good time while you’re stuck at home trying to tune your New Years horn.



[c] 2008 Russ of America