Tag Archive for etiquette

Sigh… I’m Doing Okay, I Guess…

Oh for fuck’s sake, when someone asks you, “Hey man, how ya doin’?!” would you *pleeeease* stop sighing and whining about how BLEHHH you are?

 

When someone asks you how you’re doing, in that fraction of a second that it takes you to think of which one of your bullshit woes you want to complain about, you should Read more

Yo Quiero Aprender EspaƱol

I’ve always wanted to learn how to speak Spanish so that I could say convincingly, “Hey Jackass, don’t leave your shopping cart on our lawn!” in the person’s native tongue.

 

While yes, I could learn the phrase alone, having a strong working knowledge of Spanish is important when they inevitably reply, “It’s not my cart!”
I would reply in my best Spanish, “I don’t care if it’s your cart or not, don’t leave it on our fucking lawn!”
“But you said it was my cart.”
“It doesn’t matter whose cart it is; I know that the cart belongs to Vallarta Supermarket, but you have it, so for the sake of expediting this conversation, it is your cart.”
“But it’s not my cart.”
“Look jackass, it’s irrelevant whose cart it is; It’s rude to leave a shopping cart on someone’s lawn and since you were in possession of the cart, I ascribed the cart to you, as yours.”
“But it’s not my cart.”
“Are you an idiot?”
“Of course not. I speak perfect Spanish, don’t I?”
“That is true, your Spanish is very good, but if you are not an idiot, why are you hyper-fixated on this debate about whether or not the shopping cart belongs to you or not? A smart person would be paying attention to the core issue that it is wrong to leave a shopping cart on someone’s lawn.”
“But it’s not my cart. And I didn’t leave it on your lawn, dickhead. The white lady across the street did.”

 

I’m not quite sure where my Spanish education will take me, but I’ve always considered it a wise investment to learn another language for the purpose of being able to communicate successfully with that culture.

 

 

[c] 2008 Russ of America