Tag Archive for external use only

Answers To Your Jackoff Queries 4

Ah yes! Good news! Millions of people around the earth are still asking lots of questions about all-things jackoff! Fortunately they have at their disposal this fine blog as expert resource material. I am a man of integrity, honesty and beard and it is through my beard that I read these questions which top-tier search engines feel are best fielded by me. And thus for the fourth time, I again address your most pressing recent jackoff queries.


Q: jack off-pork
R: First of all, stealing is wrong, so you shouldn’t jack anybody’s off-pork. Secondly, don’t eat off-pork. It’ll make you sick.


Q: can you jack off with external use only
R: Almost exclusively. Read more

For External Use Only

Printed on the back of a box of Band-Aids™ is the clear warning that Band-Aid™ Brand bandages are for external use only.  That’s a lesson I learned many years ago:


Russ:  Hey dah.
Dad:  Hey son, what’s the matter?
Russ:  I rimpa fycrah iha mou.
Dad:  You lit a firecracker in your mouth?
Russ:  Raa.  Ra a gah mou fu Ban-Ay™
Dad:  And now you’ve got a mouth full of Band-Aids™?  You take those out immediately!  Band-Aids™ are for external use only!
Russ:  Oay…


As summer turns to fall, I think of all the people who might be visiting their local parks, maybe getting a little time on those ancient splintery see-saws.  The worst thing in the world would be to take a sliver of wood right up your ass and potentially bleed to death.  If you DO happen to take a sliver of wood right up your ass, your first instinct after waddling home will probably be to slap some Band-Aids™ along the inside of your rectal wall to stop the bleeding.  BUT DON’T DO THAT!  Band-Aids™ are for external use only.



[c] 2008 Russ of America