Russ Carney of America

Here’s my pitch for the ultimate reality show: MACHO MAN

LAND
* A few dozen guys are thrown into the North American wilderness. Somewhere in the Yukon, I’d guess.
* Their first challenge will be to grow a mustache, like the old Brawny paper towel man. It’s got to be a good gay disco mustache or they’re tossed off of the show. “Anytime, Sal!”
* Surviving on their wits, their ability to eat bugs and rotting carcasses, to fish, build shelter, light fires and make weapons, they must try to not die in the forest. If they have to cuddle with each other to stay warm, so be it.
* If lucky, they will travel from the Yukon to the heart of Alaska where, if their skills of navigation have prevailed, they will arrive at our first checkpoint. Here the macho candidates will fell ten old-growth trees and prepare them for removal from the forest. Ah, but it’s old-sk00l felling! Axes and traditional saws — no power tools. They’ll definitely have to work together as lovers if they want to clear the forest.
* Those who don’t die from the tree felling will continue their trek until they reach our second challenge: To raise and train … Click Here to Read On! …

2 Comments | In: Well Organized Ideas | tags: arrow of light, b-real, bear grylls, bering sea, boy scouts of america, braids, bruce parry, bucket hat, coming of age, cornrows, crab boat, crab fishing, cub scouts, cypress hill, desalination, distillation, dog sledding, face-slapping, firefighters, firefighting, fishing, gay marriage, going tribal, hunting, huskies, ice road, les stroud, lumberjacks, machismo, macho man, mustache, narcotics, navigation, oil drilling rig, opilio crab, outdoors, safety dance, sen dog, south america, survival, survivorman, trees, tribes, village people, webelos, wilderness, yukon. | #

“Well, you know, because of the economy…” is the apologetic expression du jour, and I’m not sure if I quite see the dark side of the economy yet with my investments tied up in the flap meat, medical marijuana and vodka markets, but I do know that everybody has been complaining that they can’t find employment or even customers in this economy. But there is good news! According to a local circular, many of the Big 5 stores in Southern California, as of this week, are selling an M91/30 Mosin Nagant bolt-action rifle for $99USD.

So what if you can’t cut it in the corporate world — but dude, you can definitely sink a shot into your grey matter and free up a wanky ball-licker job in the private sector for me, your best pal of America. Thanks for doing the right thing!

UPDATE: (Feb 17 2009) Good news! The Mosin Nagant rifle previously on sale for $99 (limit 2) has gone down to $89 (limit 1). “Own a real piece of history” it says. Do you own, or even better, PWN a piece of history yet? Probably not. Buy this rifle and go pwn yourself a piece of history, lone wolf. Big 5 needs you to act now. You understand what’s being asked of you, right? No delays. Do it.

[c] 2009 Russ of America
Originally posted Jan 18, 2009

No Comments | In: Well Organized Ideas | tags: bad economy, big 5, bolt-action, conspiracy, dark side, economy, flap meat, gun control, hunting, lone gunman, lone wolf, medical marijuana, mosin nagant, own history, politics, pwn history, recession, rifles, sporting goods, subliminal advertising, suicide, unemployment, vodka. | #

“Well, you know, because of the economy…” is the apologetic expression du jour, and I’m not sure if I quite see the dark side of the economy yet with my investments tied up in the flap meat, medical marijuana and vodka markets, but I do know that everybody has been complaining that they can’t find employment or even customers in this economy. But there is good news! According to a local circular, many of the Big 5 stores in Southern California, as of this week, are selling an M91/30 Mosin Nagant bolt-action rifle for $99USD.

So what if you can’t cut it in the corporate world — but dude, you can definitely sink a shot into your grey matter and free up a wanky ball-licker job in the private sector for me, your best pal of America. Thanks for doing the right thing!

UPDATE: (Feb 17 2009) Good news! The Mosin Nagant rifle previously on sale for $99 (limit 2) has gone down to $89 (limit 1). “Own a real piece of history” it says. Do you own, or even better, PWN a piece of history yet? Probably not. Buy this rifle and go pwn yourself a piece of history, lone wolf. Big 5 needs you to act now. You understand what’s being asked of you, right? No delays.

[c] 2009 Russ of America

No Comments | In: Russ of America's Rules of Order, Well Organized Ideas | tags: bad economy, big 5, bolt-action, conspiracy, dark side, economy, flap meat, gun control, hunting, lone gunman, lone wolf, medical marijuana, mosin nagant, own history, politics, pwn history, recession, rifles, sporting goods, subliminal advertising, suicide, unemployment, vodka. | #