June 12th, 2009
Bad-Ass Sports Teams Names Of Teams That I Like
I do not follow sports. Amateur, professional, it doesn’t matter ‘cuz I don’t follow them. I never did. The closest I ever got to following sports is with MMA. I love the UFC.
The English football club Arsenal was the talk of the Twitter-town a few weeks ago and I thought, as I always do when I hear their name: What a great fucking name for a sports club! It’s the kind of name that makes me want to watch football just so I can root for them. Go Arsenal! I’d wear the jersey and everything. Paint the club name on my car, too. They’re named after a cabinet full of guns! Cannons, bombs, black powder kegs!
“Don’t open that cabinet!”
“Why not? What’s inside?”
“It’s an arsenal!”
“Of what?”
“GUNS!”
“Aaaaaiiiiggh! We’re gonna die!”
It’s a way better name than anything America has come up with in sports. Especially in baseball. The name Arsenal is way tougher than “The Cubs” or “White Sox.” Really? There’s a team called the White Sox? What the fuck do … Click Here to Read On! …
June 8th, 2009
Green Earth Tip #7
7)
Getting water to major metropolitan areas such as Los Angeles is no joke. It requires a big, old, failing infrastructure, pushed to its limits with the influx of new dreamy-eyed residents into Southern California each year. To make matters worse, SoCal wants to be a desert. That’s its natural state. So it’s no surprise that residents are experiencing the panic and discomfort of its perpetual drought. Naturally, our state leaders wait until June to amp up awareness and pepper the airwaves with water conservation PSAs in a futile hope that people will realize how serious our annual water shortage is and then cooperate. Of course, by June it’s … Click Here to Read On! …
May 20th, 2009
Scamming
I remember when making out was called “scamming.”
“Did you and Blanca do it?”
“Naw dude, we just scammed.”
“Just scammed? That’s it?”
“Yeah, well, I wasn’t even trying to do anything more than that. I just scammed with her to get back at my ex for scamming with Jose.”
“When did she scam with Jose?”‘
“Right after we broke up, homes. You remember. It was at El Boxer’s party. I mean, we were technically broken up, but it was still bullshit that she scammed with him because he’s a punk-ass. And anyway, Blanca’s older sister came home early so we had to stop.”
“You think you’ll scam on her again?”
“Naw. We’ll just do it. We already had the foreplay.”
[c] 2009 Russ of America
March 28th, 2009
2 Earth Hour Observers Spend 1hr in Darkness With 2 Cats
RCoA and his lovely GF observed Earth Hour tonight at 8:30pm by turning off the lights for one hour. RCoA’s two cats are mostly unaffected, except that Cat #2′s heating blanket is being turned off as well. The other cat doesn’t use electricity. Cities, villages and towns across the world are taking advantage of this event to vocalize their feelings about global warming and the future of worldwide energy. For me it’s a statement against our voracious appetites for energy. In my humble domicile, I am also attempting to reduce other electrical usage in the hut where practical. The folks at EarthHour.org did, for example, encourage bloggers to write live posts about their event, which we would be unable to do if we turned off our routers and DSL modems. I opted to use my laptop battery to power my internets. That should cut down a few watts over the hour… Dare I pull the plug on the refrigerator too? Why not.
I’m aware of Earth Hour counter-protesters. I couldn’t really find a cogent argument for why they were doing it, except just to be contrary and to mock the “sheeples.” It’s sort of ironic if the core of your enlightened protest against the sheeples is to do exactly the opposite of what they say. Kinda makes you a knee-jerk anti-sheeple, and I’m not sure which is worse. Most of the sites I accessed seemed to be run either by ultra-conservatives or the anti-Illuminati. The ultra-conservatives usually have their hackles up against anything even remotely liberal, and that’s fair, I guess. Earth Hour seems like a fairly left-wing idea so I guess I understand where they’re coming from. They’re being consistent. But some members of the conservative groups also vocalized tangential protests, like how they would turn on the engines of their gas guzzlers and burn a few steaks on the bbq and smoke cigars as double, triple and quadruple protest! Wow. You tell those liberals! The anti-Illuminati types seemed to be against participating in environmental issues because it is a form of mind-control and possibly a mechanism of that dark New World Order spook. Oh, and there was a presence from the Ayn Rand disciples who essentially perceive Earth Hour to be a suppression of the symbolic achievements mankind has made from cave to skyscraper. An hour of elective darkness against millions of years of mankind? I don’t get the comparison.
I’m not a scientist and I don’t have access to the global warming statistics, nor would I know how to interpret them convincingly enough to counter all arguments from either of the groups mentioned above. I do know that America is a gluttonous country that seems to be progressing and consuming far quicker than its infrastructure will allow. Energy has a cost no matter how it is produced, and wasting any bit of it is foolish. Burning coal, a finite resource, to produce electricity is neither a good long-term solution to America’s energy needs nor is it conducive to clean air. I don’t understand how turning on more lights in protest of EarthHour is going to add to national coal stockpiles. Moot if you don’t live in a coal region maybe, but valid if you do. And if you are one of the stogie-puffing chest-thumpers who are snarkily igniting your sport-futility vehicle engines to teach the liberals a lesson, your point has been made, and kudos to you for being wealthy enough to take last year’s ridiculous gas prices on the chin, or to eagerly and freely donate the lives of your corn-fed youth to fight oil wars so that you can retain your god-given right to drive your over-powered urban assault vehicles.
Environmentalism as religion is no good, I agree. Environmentalism for many is nothing more than a personal sport and it has roots in the old camping rule, that you leave your campsite in the same or better condition than you found it. The wastrels don’t understand that, and that’s why many Americans hate camping alongside you.
RCoA
[c] 2009 Russ of America
March 17th, 2009
MTA Orange Line Bike Path Dog Shit 2
I’m back, like the Joey Greco of dog shit.
These photos were taken today on the MTA Orange Line Bike Path within a one mile stretch. I made certain not to collect duplicate photos of the last batch of dog shit I took in MTA Orange Line Bike Path Dog Shit 1. I have no idea how to prevent against that in the future though, because there really is a lot of dog shit here. On the other hand, I have no ambitions of becoming a professional dog shit photographer. I just know that I can’t memorize dog shit structures or be bothered to devise an identification system. Anyway, the point of this collection isn’t do document every instance of dog shit, the point is to illustrate how prolific this fucking nonsense is a very small sample area. I took 6 photos today and turned my nose up at about five other specimens [play on words intended.] The clusters I passed were either not interesting enough; or they were too dry; or I was too lazy; or one of them was cat shit; or I’d suddenly realized that I was taking photos of dog shit, got horribly embarrassed and rode away.
Dry and unappetizing like an old Hostess Cup Cake:
This one is flat like an old beer.
This shit cluster was dropped in a hurry. No attention to art.
I think this says something. It’s almost musical in its delivery.
A turd is right here; Some more over there.
Ba-ba-ba-ba-BA, ba-BA-ba-ba-bah.
Vietcong shit. Lurking. Three clicks deep. Waiting for Joe.
This one is fresh. I feel like I almost caught the motherfucker who left it.
You can almost hear the flies smacking their lips greedily at this moist chunk.
You know my motto: Keep it Moist!
[c] 2009 Russ of America
December 15th, 2008
The Fashionistas on Snow Boots
The fashionistas have decided that when the temperature in Southern California reaches 65 degrees Fahrenheit (18.33C), that’s an okay time to break out your best pair of Eskimo boots. The more fringe and tassels and pom-poms, the better!
It may seem counter-intuitive, but it’s totally okay to wear a skirt or shorty-shorts and a tank top with the boots; The one main rule for wearing Eskimo boots is that the temperature MUST HAVE DROPPED TO 65F/18C. Even if it’s for only one day.
An interesting fashionista loophole: If the weather hasn’t yet hit 65F/18C, but it’s any time after mid-November, you are allowed to wear the Eskimo boots because it’s going to be winter soon. It could be 78F/25.5C degrees wherever you are, but if it’s mid-November, you can still wear the snow boots and everybody’ll think you’re a gorgeous little darling in your form-fitting tanktop and plain-jane jean skirt. You don’t even have to wear panties!
*Scoff!* Like you need my permission to wear panties… You won’t!
[c] 2008 Russ of America
