Russ Carney of America

I’ve got a big bucket of compost brewing, 2 catnip plants, some tomatoes, bell peps, cukes, green onions, ficuses, basil, rosemary, lavender, jasmine, some stupid ferns, a couple of spider plants and two philodendrons — I’m a a bloody farmer! And I’d grow opium in the community garden if I thought nobody would swipe it. I’d go out there every morning in my robes, dismount my camel, and toil in the 14′x4′ plot all day, tending to the rows of poppies. Let’s bring heroin back to American soil again! Our two most precious resources, oil and heroin we buy from the middle-east. I’m telling you America, we’ve got to get wise about these things or they will be our undoing…

[c] 2009 Russ of America

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Russ of America’s Green Earth Tips

2)
Please help to reduce our dependence on foreign oil. It’s important that you use water-based jack-off cremes instead of ones with petroleum bases. It’s also important that you tell your congressional representative that you are opposed to off-shore drilling because you have plenty of stars-and-stripes, union-friendly jack-off options here at home.

[c] 2008 Russ of America

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I admit:

I feel a little concerned that driving to work every day means that we have to be at war with the Middle East.

I won’t lie. I feel a little funny about that.

Odd, almost.

A tinge culpable.

Slight leanings toward responsible.

I think I might even be feeling marginally involved.

A shame, really. People dying.

I drive a Hummer; I’m trying to make a difference.

[c] 2006 Russ of America

No Comments | In: Well Organized Ideas | tags: automobiles, avarice, blame, commute, commuting, conservation, culpability, gas, gas crisis, gas-guzzling, hummer, oil, petroleum, waste. | #