1) Martha’s shapely ass glows softly from the opaque morning light seeping through the window of the quaint Cape Cod bungalow as I do her from behind.
2) Martha mounts me in a gorgeous oak four-post bed. The weight of her body and an ornamental wreath hung around her neck pushes me deeper into the familiar comfort of the delicate goose-down duvet. We have sex in the … Click Here to Read On! …
Circa Jan 2008, two friends Michael Gamerl from Butterface and Johnny Elkins (from The Muddy Reds) invited me to play the drums at a jam session in a fucking awesome claustrophobic auto garage in Laguna Hills. We moved a few Porsche bumpers, a few miscellaneous radiators, slammed out a couple of rock standards, and, well, I had a fucking blast. Jelkins hits those frets like I’ve never seen. Gam is talented, infectiously energetic and I’m always asking him to cover Blues Traveler’s Runaround. I dunno, I just fucking love it! As for me, I’m probably the world’s shittiest drummer, but since I’ve never had a lesson, I can live with the criticism and I appreciate any awkward compliments along the lines of “your timing is tolerable.” I can totally live with that. And even though it’s not his instrument of choice, Jelkins kicks ass at drums too. That’s musicians for ya! While fucking around at this jam session we came up with a great improv song called Sexual Pie. It was, after all, not too long after National Pie Day, Gamerl brought a rhubarb pie to the session and I remember hinting to Gam, “I love pie. No, I really love pie. Do you know what I’m talking about? You know… pie. I’m talking about sexual pie. Do you get what I’m saying? I’m talking about the pie that’s under a skirt.” It was a long way to go for sexual innuendo, but I went there, it was delicious, and I think he agreed.
So from there, Sexual Pie was born.
Last night I got a phone call from Jelkins. He said, “Let’s record Sexual Pie.” He rented studio room three in West LA. Gamerl was there, as was one of the baddest dudes in men’s fashion, Ray, from RayRayUSA. That guy stitches up some sick patterns! Anyway, he was totally excited to watch the fun, grabbing my camera to record the shit. Thanks Ray Ray! Please don’t forget to check out Ray’s mad stylie by clicking here.
Okay, enough talking, watch yourself some Sexual Pie!! The official lyrics are here but I include the impromptu lyrics in the video for your enjoyment.
[c] 2009 Russ Carney of America
