Tag Archive for sales

Life Pro-Tip: Shut Your Trap, Jackass Dreamer!

This might seem like a no-brainer, but it’s enough of a brainer that I’ve seen hundreds of people fucking this up time and again over the course of my short, but rich life.

 

If you have a big plan for the future, immediate or otherwise, shut the fuck up about about your big plan until your plan is in some phase of action. And I’m not talking about a phase of action that begins with the word Read more

Amazing Computer System Bargain Offer For You!

 

Hey Friends, Russ of America here and I’ve got an amazing deal as a reward to you for being loyal, staying up late, reading my blog and listening to my important podcasts. I have this futuristic sci-fact technology called Read more

LA X-Press Subscription Form

Look man, times are tough. Whether you be old or young, you gotta do what you gotta to do get by, and sometimes it means sacrificing your morals. And by “sometimes” I mean “usually” because morality is fleeting, like good breath. So have you ever thought about sacrificing your morals to sell newspaper subscriptions?

 

 

 

[c] 2009 Russ of America

 

Dear Simon

When I’ve been drinking late at night, maybe I shouldn’t check my work email. It’s probably not a good idea. In this case, the results are okay because Simon can’t hear me slur my speech in email. But I can totally see the potential for creating an uncomfortable situation, especially if I were to tell Tomassi how special he is and how much he means to me. [hiccup!]

 

From: Russ of America
Sent: Thu 2/28/2008 10:48 PM
To: Simon@RicohCopiers.com
Subject: RE: Copier 51007 – Aficio 1060

 

Simon, A gentleman’s letter:

 

When my friends are instructed to order copier supplies and the supplies don’t show up, it makes them look stupid and ineffectual in the eyes of their supervisors, who, in the grand tradition of corporate America, often assume the worst of their human endeavors. These are people that I genuinely like and it pains me to conceive of the possibility that that every few weeks these good people might be forced to endure an uncomfortable conversation with oft-times unreasonable Dilbert-esque superiors. If there is something inherent to the way Ricoh is structured such that it’s not capable of providing us with adequate service and supplies, such as being downsized to the point where they are bursting at the seams, and that it is not worth our effort to continue doing business with Ricoh, I wish that you would tell me frankly and honestly. The idea that we would seek a third-party vendor is unsavory to me because I want the best service possible and I regularly operate on the assumption that Ricoh knows Ricoh machines best, Xerox knows Xerox, Minolta knows Minolta, etc.

 

Thus far, our experience with Ricoh has been dismal and even the most convincingly earnest emails and phone calls from Ricoh reps don’t manifest the results we need. I don’t think that we’re asking for above-and-beyond service; We’re asking for satisfactory service. As a gentleman and a man of honor, what would you recommend that we do?

 

Respectfully,

 

Russ

 

From: Russ of America
Sent: Thursday, February 28, 2008 10:49 PM
To: Tomassi
Subject: FW: Copier 51007 – Aficio 1060

 

Hey Dilbert,

 

I’m sorry that The Boss is always coming down on you.

 

You are very special and you mean a lot to me.

 

 

[c] 2008 Russ of America

Baby For Sale

Baby for sale; $24350 obo; 2005 model; runs great, tinted windows; AC; manual trans; lowered; 18″ chrome rims; cd changer w/premium audio; immaculate interior; slight diaper rash. l/m for Kevork — 818-242-48**

 

 

[c] 2006 Russ of America