The entity known as The State of California is nuts. They’re mad at me because, I guess, in 2008 I didn’t declare my tax refund as income. I’m not sure how it qualifies as income. I didn’t have to work for it. I didn’t have to hustle or fight for it. I just typed in some numbers and they sent me a bunch of money. That qualifies as income? How do I do it again? Is there a website I can go to where I can keep typing in numbers and the State of California will send me more income? I don’t mind. It took me about an hour to file my taxes and they sent me a cool thousand bucks. I’d DEFINITELY do that again.
I call The State of California nuts because Read more
You probably fudge the IRS a little bit when you do your taxes, right?
So do I. Only I don’t fudge the numbers, I fudge the text. For about a decade I’ve been lying to the government about my occupation. I don’t consider it a breach of my sworn assertion of accuracy, because my signature appears before the occupation. As far as I’m concerned, I’m only attesting to the accuracy of everything that appears BEFORE my signature, not after it. Occupation appears after the sig, and occupation is a completely optional inclusion.
So I filed my taxes via TeleFile in 2004, 2003, 2001, 2000 and 1999, so that’s why the missing data, but I swear that if they had given me an opportunity to drum up a fake profession, I would have done so each year. I looked forward to it. I do recall in more liberating times listing my occupation as Thug, Comedian, Harlequin and possibly even Pimp another year. It’s so difficult to remember. We’re talking about almost a full decade of irreverence, please remember.